South Bronx Paradise
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South Bronx Paradise
Genres: Progressive metal, death metal, deathcore, USA
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Shores Of Leine
About South Bronx Paradise
South Bronx Paradise is a band not from the Bronx, but from Longmont, Co; and before that all over the world. Mykel McGuffin, who would become one of the band's guitarists, started his life as a lonely orphan in Bangladesh arm wrestling for small change. He eventually worked his way up to a position in the underground arm wrestling federation based out of Kabul. He was in his championship match when the unthinkable happened, a suicide bomber attacked. No one was really hurt, except for Mykel...and the suicide bomber. Mykel's kneecaps were blown off by shrapnel, and since kneecaps are a crucial part of the arm wrestler's life he had to give up his dreams. After his injuries healed he wandered the world, tired and looking for a new meaning in life. He found it one day traveling through the Rocky Mountains, when he was brutally attacked by a mountain lion. As the creature finally wrapped it's jaws around Mykel's neck it suddenly stopped and toppled over. Above him was a big tonto looking motherfucker named Andrew Rodriguez, breathing heavily and holding a bloody, sharpened toothbrush. As it turns out Andrew has some pretty crazy death growls, and Mykel realized that he could play a mean guitar and had a pretty cool rig. The seed that would become SBP was planted. On a casual visit to a Denver strip club the duo met an unlikely third member in JJ Jussel, who had previously been known as Jimmy John McSchwackerdoodle, was a retired porn star who had been reduced to dancing in male clubs after a crippling penile injury. His penis is now held erect constantly by a steel contraption that props it up. The fourth member was found just outside that very club, crying in a corner between a dumpster and the outside wall and drinking heavily. This ex-recovering alcoholic, curiously named Shawn McGuffin, confessed that he had no calling in life but loved to play drums. With a new lease on life, and a pint of JD in his hip pocket, Shawn ran happily to his shanty hut. This was when he tripped over Robert Gazotti, who was passed out on the sidewalk. This man, who was the co-creator of the beer coozie, had been betrayed by his business partner and left with nothing but a case of coozies and a ball of string. With these things he made his clothing. A strange suit with no sleeves and small pockets...and a bass guitar that he kept strapped to his back. The final member had been found! These five people, with their varied backgrounds and unbelievable marketable talent, now form the metal monstrosity known as South Bronx Paradise. A band as smooth as it's name, and twice as tasty. The metal tastiness is starting to take over the world...and your face is next!
Taken from Last.fm
23 listeners · 232 plays via Last.fm